I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
