OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
