On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
