he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
