have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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