Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
false alarm, still single
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
