And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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