Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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