I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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