Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
