Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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