In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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