The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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