I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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