Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
