I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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