You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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