so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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