Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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