My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
