After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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