You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
