M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
