I wanna bring you to show and tell
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
did i walk over a car last night?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
