my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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