it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
