if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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