I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
