Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
