I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I party with great urgency now.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
