U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My vagina just recognized that song.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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