Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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