What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
