So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
