yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
