Already got asked if we're dating
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
