Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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