i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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