If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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