believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize