i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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