there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
