Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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