I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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