The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize