everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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