its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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