were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
