We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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