I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
