dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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