and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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