Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
