What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
