Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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