even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
