we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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