so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
