Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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