I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize