So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
