But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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