This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize