I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
