I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
