Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize