Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
