It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
