Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
