Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
