I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
