You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
