i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
