I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
