Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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