When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
